You know? Maybe you are mean.

I remember when Mariah was my best friend.

I remember when I didn't know Savanna.

I remember when I thought Micheal was 'nice'

I remember trying to work up the nerve to delete your number so I wouldn't try texting you again.

I remember how great I felt knowing that I was cool enough to be your friend.

I remember when I met Josh. I remember how silly that whole thing was.

I remember you telling me to stop acting like Haley.

I remember standing at the park after that movie waiting for the sound of his vans hitting the concrete.

I remember when I was one the of only people that knew your secrets.

I remember when those things made you sad.

I remember throwing up in front of Micah and Eric on the side of the freeway.

I remember when I was awfully awkward and wasn't allowed to fallow Courtney around.

I remember how awful I was at hugs.

I remember how you avoid hugging me. I remember how odd it was that it bothered me, I don't even like hugs.

I remember crying on the way home from co-op because I felt ugly.

I remember sitting in a dark closet because my family wouldn't let me go to the park by myself.

I remember thinking that I was pretty for the first time.

I remember when I could count the number of hugs I'd gotten from guys outside of my family on one hand.

I remember thinking that you didn't deserve all the respect I gave you.

I remember hating that I'm only comfortable in groups of 3 or less.

I remember the last time I laughed really hard.

I remember knowing that Courtney doesn't see it the way I do, and the way she sees it, I was in the wrong.
and how I felt better knowing that I could see it at that angle too.

I remember being so angry at the fact that to everyone but me the small things that made me sad weren't important.

I remember not caring and crying about it on the phone to Micah.

I remember feeling like I couldn't say anything to you.

I remember when walmart was cool.

I remember trying so hard to be great enough.

I remember finally getting there, up with everyone else.

I remember being sad, over and over again.


___________________________________________

....haha.


and what sucks is that I know I'm young. I know that I'm great and shouldn't care as much as I do.

I know I'm too emotionally involved.

I know that you're not sorry because you know you're not wrong.

I know that I hide too much.

I know that that is no way to make friends.

I know that I try too hard.

I know that no one thinks about me as much as I think they do.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!

I know. ok? And I'm sorry. But I guess being sorry is what started this whole thing.  So forget it.

It's all just silly anyway.


P.S-
I also just realized that this is a phase... a PHASE!

...no wonder no one cares, I'm being completely irrational!

...I just want some juice...


why do I even have a blog?