So there's this band,

a worship band that I play in pretty regularly.
I've been meaning to quit playing for them. Due to the fact that I'm not really a christian anymore, or a good role motel because:

I curse a lot

I'm completely fine with homosexuality and will defend it until the person attacking it is down.
(Or until I start crying to the point where I can't speak.)

I also do not think that sex is as bad as the church thinks it is, or as good as the world makes it sound.

Women are equal to men. Men are equal to women.

I don't scold kids who smoke; I don't scold kids who drink.
(I will only stop them if they are hurting themselves or others.)

For anything really, I will only stop someone from doing what they want if it hurts themselves or other people.

I want tattoos, big gauges, and more piercings.

I also text in church, walk out randomly, and at times blatantly make a raucous in the balcony.

I also disagree with a lot of what Derek and Amber believe.

The Bible is not my truth.

I only play for that band because it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for the people that go to that youth group. I create music with this band because it brings those people who are listening closer to a sense of comfort and love, just like it did for me three years ago. I play for those people, and that sense alone.

______

On an almost completely different note, in this band there are these two guys that I've come to know.


One plays the bass and calls me Guppy. (ha)
He looks about 25-ish and he's married to a lady who wears flowy skirts and has really long and pretty black hair. He was in a few secular(?) bands when he was younger, but I don't know what genre they were or the name of them. He seems like an interesting person.

The other  plays the drums and calls me Emily.
He's 26, I believe. He has gauges about the size of a quarter (if not bigger), piercings,
and a few tattoos. One of which is fairly new and is on his neck, and it says "Jesus my judicious king." (I looked up judicious and it means: Having, showing, or done with good judgment or sense. Another word for it would be wise or sensible.) He went to the youth group we play for when he was in high school and kind of knew my sister. He's pretty great, and he listens to good music.

Anyway, I talked to both of them the other day together and they were sitting in the couch that normally engulfs me. I don't know why but the fact that they could actually sit like a normal person in that huge couch threw me into this very humbling state of thought where I realized that I was still rather young and the people I spent most of my time with were young.

I dwelled on it for the next hour or so and the whole thing lead to:

The realization that  I was basically walking around Jurassic Park in a Reptar costume when it came to social interaction with the mature and experienced.